In perpetual transition

I've traded this blog
For a new one
That looks into the future
And not the past

I'm surprised to find
That it took me about two months to come and write here
Cause we all know I only write here when I'm not feeling like myself
So
The less the better.

Things have been good
Too good, in a way
Because there are some days
Like today
In which I look back a little longer than I should
Long enough to remember
That the dinosaur is still there
And it's still my dinosaur
And while
Anyone who read this would just say

Pffft, don't think about it, just enjoy yourself!

Yeah I've been doing that for a month and a half
I've been doing it so well that today I felt that none of this was real
All of this is doomed to end
I felt
Like I was condemned to never be fully happy
To live eternally "in transition"
And, while transitions aren't bad
They're tiring sometimes
Feels a little like all this time I've been keeping a balancing act.

But, as we now know
It's ok to feel sad sometimes
It's ok to feel upset sometimes

There's always tomorrow
And it will be better
Because Siri says the sun will be shining
And everything's better
With a little sun in it

Skin

I need to take off my skin
Cause it doesn’t fit anymore
It’s either too tight
Or too big
It’s the wrong color
And has a weird shape
It doesn’t fit properly anymore
Like it used to
Like it did when you were here with me
And in those days
If I ever complained about
The awkwardness of my skin
You had a way to pull it a little here and there
And say “Here, now it’s better, you see?”
And it was better indeed

My skin can only fit with you in it.

I can't breathe without me

I can't breathe
Lately
And I know
It's because
I've spent too long far from myself
And far from you of course
But mostly
Far from myself

My chest hurts all the time
Because of all the things I can't control
Exist all the time
It feels inescapable

I need
To have a safe place
To be myself
And drink green juice

And to be alone
So I'm not lonely
Anymore.

Ignorance is bliss

Quiero volver a ser una persona ignorante

Y desayunar la mitad de un sándwich 

Con jamón de pavo, queso  panela, jitomate y mayonesa light.

Quiero tomar un capuchino a las 11 am.

Con Leche light 

Quiero comer un caldo de pollo con verduras 

O un caldo tlalpeño

O una ensalada

O maybe maaaaaaybe una pechuga asada

Quiero comer un yogurt a las 5 pm

Quiero volver a cenar una quesadilla

O dos salchichas con mostaza

O un jitomate con aceite y vinagre...

Women vs Man Child

I am my own multitude
Thousands of different woman reside within me
I am the strong independent woman
I am the tiny helpless woman
I am the woman who speaks her mind
I am the woman who keeps to herself
I am a source of confort
I am a source of conflict
I breathe fire
I inhale fire
I turn it into water as I dissolve myself in it
I am the woman who chooses to put her family above all
And also the woman who puts herself first

I am the rage within me and the joy I can cause
I am the laughter the cursing the swelling the
Woman who’s done

I am a woman
While you are but a man child
You are a man child who knows no better but to savage and hurt and kill
And your mind is too small to comprehend the world
and your eyes are too narrow to even see it

But I am not one woman but all the women in the world
And I am done being afraid
We are done being afraid

Lonely

I am never as lonely

As I am when I'm with you

When I can't even be alone with myself

And enjoy my own company

When I'm with you

I have to force myself to be someone I'm not

I have to pretend

All the time

I try and be invisible

I try and not exist

When I'm with you

I'm scared to breathe the wrong way

You probably feel the same when you're around me

Yet

We are doomed to pretend

We need each other

And like each other

And love each other

Until it's all over

And, as it's been said before... 

It ain't over till it's over

This is exhausting

Topsy

Whenever I found out about this kind of thing by accident
I should repeat this
(As a mantra)

That was in 1903
That would never happen again
that shows progress
And progress is good
Regardless of how slow it is

That was in 1903
That would never happen again
That shows progress
And progress is good
Regardless of how slow it is

That was in 1903
That would never happen again
That shows progress
And progress is good
Regardless of how slow it is