I am haunted
by imaginary monsters
that I myself created
But who isn't?
I am haunted
because
I don't belong here
I don't belong there
I am nearly 37 years old and I still don't belong anywhere
And I crave belonging
just as much as I did in grade school
I don't know team work
I don't know how to keep my mouth shut
I don't know how to not be myself
I am haunted by the plants I'm pretty sure I'll kill
I'm haunted by them because they're still alive
And
just like at work
I'm haunted by the feeling that I'm doing something wrong
and I don't know what it is
And nobody will tell me
And my app says what I need is more sun but there is no more sun
This is all the sun I've got
I'm all I've got
me and my ideas
me and my opinionated discourse
I guess I won't be the crazy plant lady after all
...
I guess I won't have the best job ever after all...