Cancelen la navidad

Cancelen la navidad por favor
O por lo menos

No usen pirotecnia
no pongan un árbol de navidad
ni se regalen regalos que nadie quiere o necesita
Y si si, pues no los envuelvan
No coman hasta sentirse enfermos
no envíen globos a los reyes magos

Si les parece muy mal cancelar todo esto
Mejor sólo vayan a casa de sus papás
o de sus hijos tías sobrinas lo que sea que aplique para ustedes
y platiquen
pero no critiquen a nadie no es ese el chiste
jueguen juegos de mesa
si de plano no se les da eso pues vean una peli juntos
llamen a sus amigos
y ya

por favor cancelen la navidad
sin comas ni puntos
sin pensarlo mucho

cancelen la navidad
no la necesitamos
me cae que no la necesitamos

Halloween of truly scary things

I was thinking today
of truly scary things

Like all the deadlines I haven't met
all the kids whose parents and grandparents I can't understand
and the food

All the food I've eaten.
And the food I haven't eaten yet.

The feeling of hunger that doesn't really exist.

That whole thing with food ough...that oughta have its own blog.

XV

Hoy me vi en el espejo y por alguna razón

Me acordé de todas las fiestas de XV a las que fui

Y, saben que es lo que recuerdo de ellas?

No es cuánto baile

Ni lo mucho que me divertí 

Ni siquiera me acuerdo si nos daban cena o si sólo era la fiesta o que...

Lo que mejor recuerdo... fue

Tener que arreglarme

Y nunca sentirme suficientemente bonita

Me siento muy amargada diciendo eso.

Pero es la verdad.

Y quizás sea importante porque gracias a todas experiencias casi...traumáticas

De conseguir un vestido que me quedara

Y tener que depilarme las piernas (o sea para que hacía eso anyway?)

Y ponerme suficiente maquillaje para que se notara que era una “ocasión especial” pero no tanto para que pareciera ... ya saben. 

Sin esas experiencias no apreciaría 

Que ya no tengo que hacer eso.

Que puedo usar siempre el mismo vestido si quiero

Y maquillarme igual que si fuera un Martes o Jueves... si quiero.

Y supongo que es una cosa muy obvia pero... a veces me acuerdo y es como

Wow...

Yo tengo derecho a eso.

Ojalá alguna vez exista una generación donde todo el mundo sepa siempre

Que tiene ese derecho.

Comfort

And today maybe
Maybe
I’ve taken the first step towards understanding
This weird relationship I’ve got with food
Or not
But today when I had this craving for something that was sweet and creamy and warm
I realized I wanted something
COMFORTING
Yet...I didn’t feel I needed to be comforted.
And so I ate my sweet creamy warm food
But at least
I did it
While wondering
Why I was doing it

Workday

Workday
Please be over
even before you start
and I love all the kids the same
but if the disobedient ones could catch colds more often
That'd be great

Childhood non-nostalgia

I objectively/intuitively know that my childhood was happy.

It must have been. It had to.

I had a roof. Food. Clothes.

I had people who cared for me. Cared about me.

I had friends, I had toys, I had relatives.

Yet... for as long as I can remember

Thinking about my childhood makes me cringe

As if there had always been something inherently wrong with ...it. Or with me.

Is it like this for everybody? Is this an evolutionary trait inherent to all human beings? As in “remember that time you ate that plant and you got sick for a week? Remember this plant well and never eat it again for it will kill you next time” so that...it was actually a survival strategy? To remember the bad moments more vividly than the good ones?

I think I heard somewhere that it is, but at the same time... I feel I’ve heard people saying things like “Oh! How I miss being a child! When I could play soccer out in the streets with the neighbors all day ‘till our moms would call us inside to get dinner. Those were the days!”

Never have I thought something remotely like this. There is absolutely nothing I miss about being a child.

And it probably doesn’t mean anything,

But every now and then, 

I feel like it does, 

And that I have to find out what...

What I miss

What I miss is ridiculous
Despicable and vain
For I miss my squeezable honey container
which never made a mess
I miss the one backpack I didn't bring
and my socks and my sheets
I miss Costco and the giant jars of cheap peanut butter I could get there

I miss my car and the ability to drive to an Office Max whenever I want to get a particular type of school supplies.